Meeting in Paris: Common Mistakes to Avoid

Meeting someone in Paris sounds romantic-until you show up at 7 p.m. wearing sneakers and expect them to be impressed by your small talk about the Eiffel Tower. Paris isn’t just a city you visit. It’s a place you have to read before you enter. People here don’t just meet for coffee; they read the room, the rhythm, the silence between words. And if you don’t know the rules, you’ll end up feeling confused, awkward, or worse-ignored.

You Show Up Too Early or Too Late

Timing isn’t just about punctuality in Paris-it’s about cultural rhythm. If you arrive exactly on the dot, you might come off as overly eager or even pushy. But showing up 20 minutes late? That’s normal. In fact, it’s expected. Most Parisians don’t rush. Lunch at 1 p.m., dinner at 8:30 p.m., drinks at 10 p.m. If you’re meeting someone for the first time, aim for 10 to 15 minutes after the agreed time. Arriving too early makes you look like you’re desperate to control the moment. Arriving too late? That’s rude. But 15 minutes late? That’s Parisian.

You Talk Only About Yourself

Parisians don’t bond over life stories. They bond over ideas. Ask about their favorite book, the last film they saw, or the neighborhood they grew up in. Don’t start with, “So what do you do?” That’s a question for job interviews, not first meetings. Instead, say: “I heard you’ve been to Montmartre lately-what did you find there?” They’ll open up. If you spend the whole time talking about your last trip to New York or your startup, they’ll quietly check their watch. Parisians value depth over bragging. Silence isn’t awkward here-it’s thoughtful.

You Assume They Speak English

Yes, many Parisians speak English. But that doesn’t mean they want to use it with you. If you start speaking English the second you say “Bonjour,” you’re signaling that you don’t care about their culture. Start in French. Even if it’s just “Bonjour, ça va?” A simple phrase goes further than perfect grammar. If they reply in English, fine. But if they answer in French, stick with it. Most will switch once they see you’re trying. And if you don’t? You’ll be labeled “tourist who doesn’t try.”

You Choose the Wrong Spot

Not every café is created equal. If you pick a place near the Champs-Élysées or right outside the Louvre, you’re not meeting someone-you’re performing. Parisians meet in quiet corners of the 5th, 6th, or 14th arrondissements. Look for cafés with local regulars, mismatched chairs, and no menus in three languages. Avoid places with English signs, neon lights, or “Happy Hour” banners. A real Parisian meeting spot has no Wi-Fi password on the table. It has a chalkboard with handwritten prices and a barista who knows your name by the third visit.

You Forget the Art of the Pause

In Manchester, we fill silence with small talk. In Paris, silence is part of the conversation. If you pause for three seconds, don’t rush to fill it. They’re thinking. They’re listening. They’re deciding if you’re worth continuing. Don’t say “uh” or “so…” or “anyway.” Just breathe. Wait. Let the quiet settle. That’s when the real connection happens. People who rush to talk end up talking to themselves.

You Overdo the Flattery

“You’re so beautiful.” “This city is amazing.” “You’re the most interesting person I’ve ever met.” These lines don’t work here. Parisians find overt compliments shallow. Instead, notice details: “I like how you ordered your coffee-no sugar, just a splash of cream.” Or: “You mentioned you read Proust. Which volume changed you?” Specific observations feel genuine. Generic praise feels like a script.

You Think It’s a Date-Until It’s Not

Parisians don’t label things early. If you meet someone for coffee, it doesn’t mean it’s a date. It might be a conversation. Or a test. Or a way to see if you’re worth seeing again. Don’t ask, “So are we dating?” Don’t send a follow-up message saying “Had a great time!” unless they’ve already hinted at wanting more. If they don’t suggest a second meeting, don’t push. Wait. Let them come back. If they don’t, it’s not rejection-it’s just not their rhythm.

You Don’t Notice the Small Things

Parisians notice everything. The way you hold your fork. The way you react to street music. The way you say “merci” to the cashier. They notice if you look at your phone during a pause. They notice if you don’t finish your wine. They notice if you laugh too loudly. You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be present. A quiet nod. A genuine pause before answering. A real question that shows you’re listening-that’s what they remember.

You Leave Without a Real Goodbye

Parisians don’t say “See you later!” unless they mean it. If you leave with a quick “Thanks, bye!” you’ve already ended the connection. A proper goodbye involves eye contact. A slight pause. Maybe a comment like, “I’ll think about what you said about the Seine.” Or: “I’d like to hear more about your grandmother’s recipe.” Then, you walk away slowly. No rushing. No texting them immediately. Let the silence linger. That’s how you leave a mark.

What to Do Instead

• Start with French-even one phrase.
• Choose a café with locals, not tourists.
• Ask open questions about their world, not yours.
• Let silence sit. Don’t rush to fill it.
• Notice small details, not big gestures.
• Don’t label the meeting. Let it unfold.
• Leave with intention, not speed.

Meeting someone in Paris isn’t about impressing them. It’s about showing up as someone who’s willing to slow down, listen, and see them-not the city. The Eiffel Tower doesn’t make the connection. The quiet moment after the wine is gone does.